The story of my adoption!

I know awhile back I mentioned something about this and have yet to share the story with anyone. I don't know if it is just because no one has asked or until now me being ashamed of it! Either way I fell like I want to share it here. Finally get my view and thoughts on the situation out into the opening and see if that helps wounds heal. Now keep in mind these are stories that were told to me by family members so I am not too sure about what is true and what is not!

I was born to a woman who from my understanding never really wanted me and if she did just didn't know how to take care of kids. Now to fill in a little bit of family history it is custom for the grandparents to raise the grand kids. It has happened the last three generations till now. I am the one to put a stop to it but for some of my so called siblings the customs are still the same. Now from what I hear when I was a few months old I guess my grandmother let my mother watch me for about an hour so she could go say goodbye to a friend and by the time she got there my mother was calling her with me screaming in the background. She was telling my grandmother to get home and get me. When she got back home she tells me I had a bright red hand print on my back.

The next story that I was told is that when I was about 7 months old my mother wanted to go on a trip to New Orleans. My Grandmother supposedly told her to go and leave me with her so that my mother could enjoy being free for a few. Well my mother went down there and was gone for a week or two and when she came back she found all of her stuff on the porch and a warrant for her arrest for child abandonment(That is my mother's side). My Grandmother states that she did not know where my mother went that one day she was just gone and that she didn't come back till I was close to 5.

This next story will probably make you want to lock up your adoptive children and never let the birth parents find you. This one is from my mental records and has hunted me since its happenings. Let me start with the first memory of this incident and bring you up to the reason it has been in bedded into my head. I remember my Grandparents( who I though were my birth parents at this point) were having a garage sale and my mother and current boyfriend were there. I crawl up on to this guys lap( I take it he has been around for me to do this cause I was a shy kid) and ask him to read to me. Come to find out he can't read and that is the end of that memory. Why that has stuck I have no clue! Anyways the next thing I remember is my principle of my kindergarden school running into the class room and grabbing me. She said nothing to my teacher just ran out the door caring me. We went into a utility closet and she had a janitor bring in some coloring books and crayons. I remember hearing my mother's voice on the other side of the door and I started to head for it. My principle grabbed me and covered my mouth so that I could not say anything. She kept telling me I needed to stay quite and I remember telling her that is my sissy let me go. Then shortly after I heard men talking outside the door and then it opened. I remeber seeing two cops that I knew cause they were friends with my parents. I went running to them and one put me on his shoulders and told me " lets go find mom and dad they are worried about you" I remeber telling the officer about the principle and asking why she did that. All he would tell me is because a bad person was after me.

When we got outside there were a lot of cop cars every where and I remeber them chearing when we walked out of the building. I didn't understand why but I was laughing at the though of them chearing for me. I then seen my grandmother and grandfather come running toward us. My grandmother had tears in her eyes. I then see my mother in a cop car and I kept asking what she did wrong and was she the bad guy cause they had the wrong person. I was vary much nieve as to what was going on that was for sure. I later found out that my Grandparents had patitioned for custody of me and half way through the court battle my mother came to my school with a gun and demanding that they give me to her cause she still had custody. That is when my prinicple snuck out of the office and grabed me. I truly belive that if it was not for her bravery that I would be long gone weather dead or living a horrible life. I have never known her name or had the chance to thank her.

I do remember going through the the custody battle thinking it was for my older brother(uncle in real life). I remember being in a white vary much fluffy dress and swinging my new black mary janes sitting in the hall way of the court house with a stranger. She then took me back to the judges chambers and he asked me questions. I only remember a few like; do you like living with the people you live with, how do they treat you, do you know this lady(he showed me a pic of my real mother), do you like her, would you like to live with this lady? They didn't make since at the time as to how they related to my brother but I was too young to question it at that time. Lets just say I was pretty clueless LOL!

I asume that after that insident with my school that at that point rights were given directly to my grandparents LOL. At least I would hope so! From the point my grandparents got custody which was a many year struggle I remember moving to a new house and school. It was still in the same town because of my dad's job but it was clear across town. We went from clear down by the penitentury to clear up north like 45 to an hour from my parents work.

For the most part life went smoth for me. I fit in pretty well at the school but I rember not being able to have my picture or name put in the paper like the rest of the kids for accomplishments. I remeber always hearing my mother explain to the teachers that my birth mother was never alowed to know I was there. I also remember her pic being posted in the office with instructions that if she showed up on school property that they were to call the cops imedatly. I was always told that she was mentally ill and that she would try to kidnap me. I was told she wanted to hurt my mother(Grandmother) and take me far away and possible kill me just to get to my mother(grandmother). Writing this make me wonder how I walked away from this family the normal one. LOL!

I live my whole life beliving my Grandmother was my mom and that my mother was my sister. I didn't find the truth until I started investigating my health history due to an illness that my oldest came down with. No one could tell me where it came from and I knew it was genitic. My mother( grandmother) kept telling me oh it much be from her dad's side and when I would ask for my birth records she would not give me them. I was 21 and knew I had rights so after being put on bed rest with my son I wanted answers to my medical past. I couldn't rember my doc's name from when I was little so I started at the source. The hospital where I knew I was born at. I called up the record keepers for that paticuler hospital and asked for a copy of my name. The poor nurse could not find the name. Explaining that I must have the wrong hospital.

Now me being me remembed that my Brother would so called tease me about the truth. Telling me that my sis was my real mother. So I asked her to look up my first name with her last name and the nurse goes yep got those records. Then she went silent, I felt as though I could not breath. I had begain to pace while she was typing and now I felt like I would pass out. When the poor nurse could speak again she quitly asks if I knew I was adopted and I simply said I do now huh. I asked if I could get a copy of the records. Aparently she never delt with this before so she had to ask her supervisor. Even that person didn't know what to do so she said that since I knew the name and had proof that I was Samantha Merrill that she would let me have them.

Well if you stuck with is this far you now know the story behind my adoption. Yes I could have probably shortened it but then you would have missed out on some of it. I did confront all partys involved and all stories are different. Even about who my real father is. I have meet both the men and either could be it. One chooses to have nothing to do with me even after meeting him. I meet one of them in a bar he never talked to me other than to say hi. Never asked about my life or anything. Unless my birth mother filled him in he does not even know about my children. She is so sure that he is my father then why does he not want anything to do with me. Then there is this other guy that one of my uncles that ran around with my mom says is my dad. He is not the greatest guy in the world but he wants to know me and my children. Every time I try to bring him up to my Grandmother and ask her about him she tells me to stay away from him. Why I have no clue but I keep in touch with him anyways. Maybe it is to find a part of me I never knew or maybe it is the fact that his other kids want me to be there sister. Where as the siblings I was raised with treated me like crap. Either way it is my choice and I wil do what I want.

I am waiting for the day I can get my baby book from my Grandmother and see what is inside. Maybe it holds answers and that is why she hid it from me. Maybe one day I will be able to see the court records about my adoption and answer a few more iffy questions. I know that untill the day I go to heaven I will probably never know all of the answers to my questions but maybe just maybe when I can get my hands on some of these papers about this subject I will get answers.