Life hitting hard!

So i have not blogged lately cause thanks to life I have been slowly hiding in my house again! Lets see where should we begin...... My mother is once again in the hospital has been for almost two weeks now. Her heart rate was 150 and blood pressure was 60/17. Watching the people rush into the emergency room was crazy. I unfortunately had to bring my three kids so trying to keep them out of the way and answering my 6 year old's questions were insane. I have never seen so many people working so well together. I was actually impressed with the hospital at first. Needless to say after hubby got off work I had him come get the kids and take them home at 9. I stayed until at least midnight. I was at the point of realizing I was getting tired and still had to drive home so I kissed her on the head and headed home.

For the first few days she was good, then her heart rate went up and she started going into this delusion state. At first she would just be talking to ya and then be like where was I. Nothing to serious but we wanted it looked at. Well by the next day she was much worse! She started telling me that it is not fair that L boy has to go to work. She had me confused so I began to tell her that he is only 4.

After that point she has slowly gone down hill! At this point as I write this she is up at that same hospital with a bunch of tubes conected to her. She is on a ventilator, she has a feeding tube going down her throut, all kinds of IV's hocked up to one arm. Going up there last night to see her after 4-5 days of not was horrible. Seeing her like this and feeling how cold her hands and arms were. It was like touching an already dead person! They say she wakes up but is vary agitated and trying to take things out. It makes me wonder if she really wants to keep fighting or is she done. I mean will she ever get better? I just have so many questions and no one can answer them. Well for now I am done I will inform you more when I seem to know more. It feels so much better to get that much off my chest and just might allow me to keep moving on today!