Alright so I will have to admit ever since I moved out of my parents house I have wanted a puppy but due to living in rentals I could never have one. Well three years ago or longer we bought this house that we lovingly call home (yes even when something breaks down and I am wishing I still rented cause then some other ass hole would have to come fix it instead of me). Well so far every time I have asked for a puppy some how a kitten has ended up in my arms. I finally said enough is enough with that & am looking for a puppy.
Went to an Omaha pet store Sunday & fell in love with a couple of them but with them ranging from 400-1000 I said no way! So I turned to craigslist now and have been looking when my hubby pops off with a deal for me. It pertains to us being debt free. Now granted I would love nothing more to be debt free but that will at least take 5 years at the least with the way things are going. There is no way I will wait that long but we will see who wins this one lol!
On a good note Kaylee has taken an interest in helping me keep the house up. Today I got some photos of her helping with dishes. It was so comical! I love that she is helping with the dishes and such.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Second Job
Ok so for those of you who know me know I run a daycare during the week. Considering I have been getting screwed over by a lot of people other then the one family I have now I decided to go out and get a second job during the weekend to help make more money to get us out of debt faster. Out of all the things I could choose from I decided to go with hotel housekeeping. Well we are going on only my 4th day due to only working sundays the last two weeks and man my knees hurt and I want nothing more than to be able to sleep in one morning or call in one day so that I can have my family time back!
After work today I found myself having to set the cruise control considering I kept trying to speed to get home faster to my family. I truly have to admit this has made me relize how much I love all of them. It would be nicer to make more money considering I am gone from my kids from about 8 in the morning till two sometimes five in the evening. I do find myself getting faster at the job every day just so I can get out of their with most of the day left to enjoy with them. We will see Friday if it is worth the money to spend all this time away from them cause I will official get my first paycheck. I am trying not to get my hopes up about the amount cause I know Uncle Sam will have to take his share but it is hard not to make plans for that money ahead of time cause this way I know it is garanteed that I am getting payed. Which reminds me I need to call a family up and see if they have any plans on paying me like they said they would. Grrr even with contracts people still screw you over.
After work today I found myself having to set the cruise control considering I kept trying to speed to get home faster to my family. I truly have to admit this has made me relize how much I love all of them. It would be nicer to make more money considering I am gone from my kids from about 8 in the morning till two sometimes five in the evening. I do find myself getting faster at the job every day just so I can get out of their with most of the day left to enjoy with them. We will see Friday if it is worth the money to spend all this time away from them cause I will official get my first paycheck. I am trying not to get my hopes up about the amount cause I know Uncle Sam will have to take his share but it is hard not to make plans for that money ahead of time cause this way I know it is garanteed that I am getting payed. Which reminds me I need to call a family up and see if they have any plans on paying me like they said they would. Grrr even with contracts people still screw you over.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Journal
Alright so I have to admit the more I come back the more this is turning into my journal. Imagine that I am allowing my readers a glimpse into what I would actually wright if I had a journal. Man would the unlucky person who found that get board fast. That and my spelling and grammar were never the best so I imagine you can keep yourself busy with the corrections in any give tale of my life. Trust me I could really give a shit less what you think of me because of my lack of these skills. Truthfully that is one of my biggest problems, I really don't give a shit what everyone thinks of me. Trust me I use to! I at one point made myself anorexic due to the fact that I thought people thought I was fat. (Trust me as you can tell I got over that one fast when I was preggers with my first LOL) I mean I dressed the way people wanted me to, looked the way I thought people guys wanted me too, ONLY to find out they loved me the way I was. When I finally got to the point in high school where I said fuck the world due to things happening I found out I enjoyed myself and cherished my friends even more.
Now yes this story has a point trust me. It is coming from some built up anger I have had about some peoples opinions of me and how I raise my kids. I am not perfect by an means when it comes to my house or raising my children. I do not belong to any sort of club about my fashion since or lack there of. I let my oldest wear hair pieces and fake nails. Come on now people it is just for fun. I always explain to her that it is just for that point. I am always telling her she is beautiful the way she is. I also don't believe in giving into a hissy fit just so they will stop and quite making a scene. By all means if they feel like flopping around like a fish or screaming at the top of their lungs they will find mommy continuing on. I make sure they are safe but I refuse to give in because of that.
How about the fact that if you come into my house you will find toys strewed every where and sometimes a big pile of clothes on the couch. I can almost guarantee that at one point in time those piles of clothes and toys have been used in one of our imaginary trips around the world. Yes I do spend time cleaning up most of the time but my days are focused on the children. People hire me to baby sit their kids not because my house is spotless but because the children learn valuable lessons like imagination and communication. I don't know how many parents have commended me on that fact that their child is talking better and sharing more then when they first began. SO GET OVER IT! That is my new lesson of the day, learn to ignore the things that are not perfect and enjoy the time you have with the ones you love. They are not this young forever.
Now yes this story has a point trust me. It is coming from some built up anger I have had about some peoples opinions of me and how I raise my kids. I am not perfect by an means when it comes to my house or raising my children. I do not belong to any sort of club about my fashion since or lack there of. I let my oldest wear hair pieces and fake nails. Come on now people it is just for fun. I always explain to her that it is just for that point. I am always telling her she is beautiful the way she is. I also don't believe in giving into a hissy fit just so they will stop and quite making a scene. By all means if they feel like flopping around like a fish or screaming at the top of their lungs they will find mommy continuing on. I make sure they are safe but I refuse to give in because of that.
How about the fact that if you come into my house you will find toys strewed every where and sometimes a big pile of clothes on the couch. I can almost guarantee that at one point in time those piles of clothes and toys have been used in one of our imaginary trips around the world. Yes I do spend time cleaning up most of the time but my days are focused on the children. People hire me to baby sit their kids not because my house is spotless but because the children learn valuable lessons like imagination and communication. I don't know how many parents have commended me on that fact that their child is talking better and sharing more then when they first began. SO GET OVER IT! That is my new lesson of the day, learn to ignore the things that are not perfect and enjoy the time you have with the ones you love. They are not this young forever.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Long time no chat!
It has been a long time since I updated you all on our little family of 5 and finally have time to chat it up! Since the last post M&M has sure learned the terrible part of being 2. I try to hold my patience with her but man does she try it. It does not help that she was naturally stubborn to began with does it. She is talking much better and it is getting easier to understand what she wants so that helps a lot of the time.
Lucas and Kaylee both ended spring soccer and started up blast ball ( Lucas) and T-ball. Lucas loves it to death and looks forward to it. I still can not believe how much he has grown and how much pre-school helped with his speech. Weighing the three of them tonight I relized he is the same weight as his older sister. Not don't get me wrong he is not a big boy. Its his sister is such a small girl LOL. He is still set on being a 4th generation fireman. The halloween costume I made him is still getting a lot of use. He loves running through the house at any given moment yelling Waverly fire call Waverly fire call 1019 dover st. and then mummbling like the pager and he throws his gear on including a real heavy fireman's helmet and then sirens ( which in times I will have to admit he has fooled me with them being so realistic). You really have to watch your feet at our house cause it is a fire station with all of the gear and toy trucks.
Now Miss Kaylee as I love to call her cause of the teenage attitude she has failed to get rid of, just got done with her big dance recital. Holy crap can these AHDP girls dance. The way that this is put on you would swear it was broodway. ( hoping I spelled that right but who really cares). I will defanitly have to add the pics when I get them from my dad later on. She was in two dances this year the first one is her regular class which was a song called orange color sky. They did a jazz # to it and had a bright orange color dress which Jon and I tease reminds us of a vegas show girl with a boa to boot. That I will have to say was vary entertaining. The second one was the opener of the show which K tried out for and made it. Watching her do that one made me teary eyed every time I watched it. Seeing her with the older girls was absolutly amazing along with the fact that she got to dance with her best buddy in the whole world. It was more of a lyrical ( which for those of you who don't know is easy or slow flowing dance) and she has a tan flowing dress which had slits up the side and three ring thing covered in diamonds. It is much more beautiful then I make it sound LOL.
As far as hubby and I we strugle with his pay cut but are still trying to make it. Our fighting has gotten much better and we are trying to use our anger to get things done instead of attacking each other. Seems to be working pretty well so far. We are also trying to get the love dare book started but so far have not gotten past the first dare cause we either start to bicker and I won't let us move on or simply forget to read the next one before we go to bed because we are enjoying eachothers company.
Hubby did get a job offer but the details to it our still fuzzy. All they did was come up to him twice and ask if he was interested in a lower management position in Iowa. They have not given him an exact location or any other info so we are kind of nervous out getting it. As many of you know we live in a small town now which is the one he grew up in. Now the part I am about to tell you a lot of girls would shiver and shake at but in my opinion is one thing I love the most is the fact that we only live three blocks from his mother, two from his older brother, and less then one from his maturnal grandparents. So one thing I have gotten use to is them coming and going and when ever I have needed help for any reason someone has been right there. One night when Jon was out of town I tought I heard voices coming from outside. I called his brother crying as I was standing in the hall way with a baseball bat and knife telling him what was going on. He dropped everything he was doing and rushed right over to check it out. I lost count of how many times my beater has died and I have had to borrow one of their vehicles or had them take us to our destination. Or how about when Jon was working over nights and K would have dance or something would come up and they were always there to baby sit.
The thought of moving away from them frightens me to death. They have just as much become my parents as they are his. Any questions I have Connie is the first person I call to ask what to do on. We argue like mother an daughter more then in laws. We are also never afraid to tell eachother when we are in the wrong. Crap this woman has tought me more of how to act like a lady then my own ever did. She has corrected my speech ( which no was not always my favorite but man am I greatful for it). The thought of being even an hour away from them makes my tummy turn in circles but at the same time I have to wonder if the time to just depend on eachother would not be good for Jon and I. From the time we have been married we have always had someone to turn to to rescue us from our mistakes. The thought of having to do it on our own makes me linger for it.
Well anyways this has turned out to be a monster of a post. It really does make up for all of the missed time but if I continue I will soon lose you if I have not already. I will more than likley keep you posted on the job offer and more thoughts on it. Happy trails everyone!
Lucas and Kaylee both ended spring soccer and started up blast ball ( Lucas) and T-ball. Lucas loves it to death and looks forward to it. I still can not believe how much he has grown and how much pre-school helped with his speech. Weighing the three of them tonight I relized he is the same weight as his older sister. Not don't get me wrong he is not a big boy. Its his sister is such a small girl LOL. He is still set on being a 4th generation fireman. The halloween costume I made him is still getting a lot of use. He loves running through the house at any given moment yelling Waverly fire call Waverly fire call 1019 dover st. and then mummbling like the pager and he throws his gear on including a real heavy fireman's helmet and then sirens ( which in times I will have to admit he has fooled me with them being so realistic). You really have to watch your feet at our house cause it is a fire station with all of the gear and toy trucks.
Now Miss Kaylee as I love to call her cause of the teenage attitude she has failed to get rid of, just got done with her big dance recital. Holy crap can these AHDP girls dance. The way that this is put on you would swear it was broodway. ( hoping I spelled that right but who really cares). I will defanitly have to add the pics when I get them from my dad later on. She was in two dances this year the first one is her regular class which was a song called orange color sky. They did a jazz # to it and had a bright orange color dress which Jon and I tease reminds us of a vegas show girl with a boa to boot. That I will have to say was vary entertaining. The second one was the opener of the show which K tried out for and made it. Watching her do that one made me teary eyed every time I watched it. Seeing her with the older girls was absolutly amazing along with the fact that she got to dance with her best buddy in the whole world. It was more of a lyrical ( which for those of you who don't know is easy or slow flowing dance) and she has a tan flowing dress which had slits up the side and three ring thing covered in diamonds. It is much more beautiful then I make it sound LOL.
As far as hubby and I we strugle with his pay cut but are still trying to make it. Our fighting has gotten much better and we are trying to use our anger to get things done instead of attacking each other. Seems to be working pretty well so far. We are also trying to get the love dare book started but so far have not gotten past the first dare cause we either start to bicker and I won't let us move on or simply forget to read the next one before we go to bed because we are enjoying eachothers company.
Hubby did get a job offer but the details to it our still fuzzy. All they did was come up to him twice and ask if he was interested in a lower management position in Iowa. They have not given him an exact location or any other info so we are kind of nervous out getting it. As many of you know we live in a small town now which is the one he grew up in. Now the part I am about to tell you a lot of girls would shiver and shake at but in my opinion is one thing I love the most is the fact that we only live three blocks from his mother, two from his older brother, and less then one from his maturnal grandparents. So one thing I have gotten use to is them coming and going and when ever I have needed help for any reason someone has been right there. One night when Jon was out of town I tought I heard voices coming from outside. I called his brother crying as I was standing in the hall way with a baseball bat and knife telling him what was going on. He dropped everything he was doing and rushed right over to check it out. I lost count of how many times my beater has died and I have had to borrow one of their vehicles or had them take us to our destination. Or how about when Jon was working over nights and K would have dance or something would come up and they were always there to baby sit.
The thought of moving away from them frightens me to death. They have just as much become my parents as they are his. Any questions I have Connie is the first person I call to ask what to do on. We argue like mother an daughter more then in laws. We are also never afraid to tell eachother when we are in the wrong. Crap this woman has tought me more of how to act like a lady then my own ever did. She has corrected my speech ( which no was not always my favorite but man am I greatful for it). The thought of being even an hour away from them makes my tummy turn in circles but at the same time I have to wonder if the time to just depend on eachother would not be good for Jon and I. From the time we have been married we have always had someone to turn to to rescue us from our mistakes. The thought of having to do it on our own makes me linger for it.
Well anyways this has turned out to be a monster of a post. It really does make up for all of the missed time but if I continue I will soon lose you if I have not already. I will more than likley keep you posted on the job offer and more thoughts on it. Happy trails everyone!
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Mother's day!
So as I am setting here waiting for my youngest to go to sleep I decided to update you all a little on my life as of right now. I has defiantly been a busy week! My youngest Megan and my hubby Jon celebrated a birthday on May 8th. It is hard to believe she is 2 already. Boy does time fly! I did get some cleaning done but spent most of the day cuddling with her and just enjoying my life.
I am no longer speaking to my mother for personal reasons and that bothered me today. It is a good thing for my family and I but it hurt not being able to say happy mothers day to her. I did how ever get to wake up to the best day ever in my opinion. It started out with just laying in bed till the kids woke up and then Kaylee brought me in a present she made at school. A hand crochet hot pad, a book about why I am special, and then a flower with her pic in the center and on the brown pot it said two reasons why I was the best mom. Man that was great, granted I am well known for polishing nails but man it is great to see I am appreciated for something around here LOL! I then got to go teach Sunday School which was easy cause we painted flower pots for their mother and I then let them pick out two flowers to put into the pot.
When I went to pick up my son he handed me a boutainer made out of fake flowers and a hand made card. I will admit I was so proud that I wore that boutainer all day. Right after Sunday School we headed home to pack up some diaper bags and took off to lunch and then the Omaha Zoo with my family, brother in law and then parent in laws. After several hours of being there and still not getting to see everything in one day we decided to head home. Along the way hubby stopped at Best Busy and let me get the work out videos I have been wanting since I first laid eyes on them. I really want to lose the last of this baby weight but don't want to just lift weights and all that boring stuff so I got the Camen Electra's dvd's! After we got back we picked up the cakes and headed over to the in laws and celebrated Jon and Megan's birthdays.
All in all it was a great day! I will truley remember this day for the rest of my life! I hope that you all enjoyed this day as much as my family and I did!
I am no longer speaking to my mother for personal reasons and that bothered me today. It is a good thing for my family and I but it hurt not being able to say happy mothers day to her. I did how ever get to wake up to the best day ever in my opinion. It started out with just laying in bed till the kids woke up and then Kaylee brought me in a present she made at school. A hand crochet hot pad, a book about why I am special, and then a flower with her pic in the center and on the brown pot it said two reasons why I was the best mom. Man that was great, granted I am well known for polishing nails but man it is great to see I am appreciated for something around here LOL! I then got to go teach Sunday School which was easy cause we painted flower pots for their mother and I then let them pick out two flowers to put into the pot.
When I went to pick up my son he handed me a boutainer made out of fake flowers and a hand made card. I will admit I was so proud that I wore that boutainer all day. Right after Sunday School we headed home to pack up some diaper bags and took off to lunch and then the Omaha Zoo with my family, brother in law and then parent in laws. After several hours of being there and still not getting to see everything in one day we decided to head home. Along the way hubby stopped at Best Busy and let me get the work out videos I have been wanting since I first laid eyes on them. I really want to lose the last of this baby weight but don't want to just lift weights and all that boring stuff so I got the Camen Electra's dvd's! After we got back we picked up the cakes and headed over to the in laws and celebrated Jon and Megan's birthdays.
All in all it was a great day! I will truley remember this day for the rest of my life! I hope that you all enjoyed this day as much as my family and I did!
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
encripted comments!
For those of you who have been wondering about my statuses on Facebook and Myspace I choose to inform you all here. In an earlier blog I told you about my mother. It depresses me to see her going through that. Such a strong woman beaten by such illnesses makes me wonder if my troubles are any where near what she is thinking in her brain ( if she even is). I have come to find out today that after three weeks of being in the hospital that her heart is not getting any better. She now was diagnosed with a heart problem that could possible cause blood clots which could lead to a stroke. So that means she will not be able to return to her home but instead she will be going to a nursing home unless things change dramatically.
I have gotten to the point that I choose to go up to see her at night when I will not have to bring my children cause they do not need to see their grandmother like this. Also I find myself realizing that another reason is cause no one will be up there as far as family. A family that was already torn apart for many reasons is being ripped further away cause we all want different views for her continuing care and can not seem to put our differences behind us.
I find it more disturbing that I am pushing the few people that truly love me away. I am back on my destructive path but today I am going to fight to put a stop to it. Many of you that knew me back in high school know of this path. I was mean and cruel to many and at the time did not know true friendship. I didn't care about myself or others! Let me say now that I am truly sorry for the things I did back then and pray everyday for your forgiveness. Not out of pity for what I am going through but because I have learned what it means to love. This wonderful husband of mine and dear children have tough me a valuable lesson in life. I guess that is why I am fighting my ill mannered ways of the past. I tryed to push my husband away and thankfully realized what I was doing before it was too late. I guess the one good thing is that I would never think of doing this with my children. Even with everything that I am feeling they are the few things that can still put a smile on my face.
It will be quite a battle for my mother. One I am praying she has the strength for. It will also be a battle for myself to try and fight pushing everyone away. Even now all I want to do it delete all of my accounts and lock myself in my house. Especially as I read more about the illnesses that our threatening our country. I simply have to remember that GOD will not hand me any more than I can carry. He will lift me up onto his shoulders during the really tough times and in the end I will learn a lesson that he is trying to teach me.
I have gotten to the point that I choose to go up to see her at night when I will not have to bring my children cause they do not need to see their grandmother like this. Also I find myself realizing that another reason is cause no one will be up there as far as family. A family that was already torn apart for many reasons is being ripped further away cause we all want different views for her continuing care and can not seem to put our differences behind us.
I find it more disturbing that I am pushing the few people that truly love me away. I am back on my destructive path but today I am going to fight to put a stop to it. Many of you that knew me back in high school know of this path. I was mean and cruel to many and at the time did not know true friendship. I didn't care about myself or others! Let me say now that I am truly sorry for the things I did back then and pray everyday for your forgiveness. Not out of pity for what I am going through but because I have learned what it means to love. This wonderful husband of mine and dear children have tough me a valuable lesson in life. I guess that is why I am fighting my ill mannered ways of the past. I tryed to push my husband away and thankfully realized what I was doing before it was too late. I guess the one good thing is that I would never think of doing this with my children. Even with everything that I am feeling they are the few things that can still put a smile on my face.
It will be quite a battle for my mother. One I am praying she has the strength for. It will also be a battle for myself to try and fight pushing everyone away. Even now all I want to do it delete all of my accounts and lock myself in my house. Especially as I read more about the illnesses that our threatening our country. I simply have to remember that GOD will not hand me any more than I can carry. He will lift me up onto his shoulders during the really tough times and in the end I will learn a lesson that he is trying to teach me.
Monday, April 27, 2009
10 Short term goals ( ones that will be accomplished before the end of this year)
Alright so I have been thinking of doing this for a long time but for some reason I just want to get it done and over with! I am going to make a list of all the things I want to do.
1. find a second job/ started applying today so hopefully with in the next week I will have this done.
2. quite some bad habits of mine
3.lose 30 of the 60 pounds total I want to lose/ duh start working out tomorrow
4. Save up 3-6 months of income and then save up money to go to Casper, Wy. Someone who has become one of my best friends here and I would really love to see her!
5. pay off 1/3 of my debt and make a plan on how to stay up to date on my monthly bills/ get second job and set down thursday and figure out the budget using Dave Ramsey's plan of action.
6. learn to deal with my stress instead of blowing up/ got some info on this from my health insurance so tonight I am going to put it into my CD player and try it out
7. learn how to be independent/ this one will be hard for me cause I have always had someone.
8. learn how to balance life with children./ need I say more about this one. Either I have a dirty house and happy kids or clean house and sad kids.
9. start doing things for myself./ like making sure my hair and make up is done every day and do manicure and pedicure every weekend. Just little things that will help me feel better about myself.
10. get a better vehicle./ this will have to be done with saving up money cause I will not take out another loan for it.
2. quite some bad habits of mine
3.lose 30 of the 60 pounds total I want to lose/ duh start working out tomorrow
4. Save up 3-6 months of income and then save up money to go to Casper, Wy. Someone who has become one of my best friends here and I would really love to see her!
5. pay off 1/3 of my debt and make a plan on how to stay up to date on my monthly bills/ get second job and set down thursday and figure out the budget using Dave Ramsey's plan of action.
6. learn to deal with my stress instead of blowing up/ got some info on this from my health insurance so tonight I am going to put it into my CD player and try it out
7. learn how to be independent/ this one will be hard for me cause I have always had someone.
8. learn how to balance life with children./ need I say more about this one. Either I have a dirty house and happy kids or clean house and sad kids.
9. start doing things for myself./ like making sure my hair and make up is done every day and do manicure and pedicure every weekend. Just little things that will help me feel better about myself.
10. get a better vehicle./ this will have to be done with saving up money cause I will not take out another loan for it.
Friday, April 24, 2009
Life hitting hard!
So i have not blogged lately cause thanks to life I have been slowly hiding in my house again! Lets see where should we begin...... My mother is once again in the hospital has been for almost two weeks now. Her heart rate was 150 and blood pressure was 60/17. Watching the people rush into the emergency room was crazy. I unfortunately had to bring my three kids so trying to keep them out of the way and answering my 6 year old's questions were insane. I have never seen so many people working so well together. I was actually impressed with the hospital at first. Needless to say after hubby got off work I had him come get the kids and take them home at 9. I stayed until at least midnight. I was at the point of realizing I was getting tired and still had to drive home so I kissed her on the head and headed home.
For the first few days she was good, then her heart rate went up and she started going into this delusion state. At first she would just be talking to ya and then be like where was I. Nothing to serious but we wanted it looked at. Well by the next day she was much worse! She started telling me that it is not fair that L boy has to go to work. She had me confused so I began to tell her that he is only 4.
After that point she has slowly gone down hill! At this point as I write this she is up at that same hospital with a bunch of tubes conected to her. She is on a ventilator, she has a feeding tube going down her throut, all kinds of IV's hocked up to one arm. Going up there last night to see her after 4-5 days of not was horrible. Seeing her like this and feeling how cold her hands and arms were. It was like touching an already dead person! They say she wakes up but is vary agitated and trying to take things out. It makes me wonder if she really wants to keep fighting or is she done. I mean will she ever get better? I just have so many questions and no one can answer them. Well for now I am done I will inform you more when I seem to know more. It feels so much better to get that much off my chest and just might allow me to keep moving on today!
For the first few days she was good, then her heart rate went up and she started going into this delusion state. At first she would just be talking to ya and then be like where was I. Nothing to serious but we wanted it looked at. Well by the next day she was much worse! She started telling me that it is not fair that L boy has to go to work. She had me confused so I began to tell her that he is only 4.
After that point she has slowly gone down hill! At this point as I write this she is up at that same hospital with a bunch of tubes conected to her. She is on a ventilator, she has a feeding tube going down her throut, all kinds of IV's hocked up to one arm. Going up there last night to see her after 4-5 days of not was horrible. Seeing her like this and feeling how cold her hands and arms were. It was like touching an already dead person! They say she wakes up but is vary agitated and trying to take things out. It makes me wonder if she really wants to keep fighting or is she done. I mean will she ever get better? I just have so many questions and no one can answer them. Well for now I am done I will inform you more when I seem to know more. It feels so much better to get that much off my chest and just might allow me to keep moving on today!
Friday, April 10, 2009
The story of my adoption!
I know awhile back I mentioned something about this and have yet to share the story with anyone. I don't know if it is just because no one has asked or until now me being ashamed of it! Either way I fell like I want to share it here. Finally get my view and thoughts on the situation out into the opening and see if that helps wounds heal. Now keep in mind these are stories that were told to me by family members so I am not too sure about what is true and what is not!
I was born to a woman who from my understanding never really wanted me and if she did just didn't know how to take care of kids. Now to fill in a little bit of family history it is custom for the grandparents to raise the grand kids. It has happened the last three generations till now. I am the one to put a stop to it but for some of my so called siblings the customs are still the same. Now from what I hear when I was a few months old I guess my grandmother let my mother watch me for about an hour so she could go say goodbye to a friend and by the time she got there my mother was calling her with me screaming in the background. She was telling my grandmother to get home and get me. When she got back home she tells me I had a bright red hand print on my back.
The next story that I was told is that when I was about 7 months old my mother wanted to go on a trip to New Orleans. My Grandmother supposedly told her to go and leave me with her so that my mother could enjoy being free for a few. Well my mother went down there and was gone for a week or two and when she came back she found all of her stuff on the porch and a warrant for her arrest for child abandonment(That is my mother's side). My Grandmother states that she did not know where my mother went that one day she was just gone and that she didn't come back till I was close to 5.
This next story will probably make you want to lock up your adoptive children and never let the birth parents find you. This one is from my mental records and has hunted me since its happenings. Let me start with the first memory of this incident and bring you up to the reason it has been in bedded into my head. I remember my Grandparents( who I though were my birth parents at this point) were having a garage sale and my mother and current boyfriend were there. I crawl up on to this guys lap( I take it he has been around for me to do this cause I was a shy kid) and ask him to read to me. Come to find out he can't read and that is the end of that memory. Why that has stuck I have no clue! Anyways the next thing I remember is my principle of my kindergarden school running into the class room and grabbing me. She said nothing to my teacher just ran out the door caring me. We went into a utility closet and she had a janitor bring in some coloring books and crayons. I remember hearing my mother's voice on the other side of the door and I started to head for it. My principle grabbed me and covered my mouth so that I could not say anything. She kept telling me I needed to stay quite and I remember telling her that is my sissy let me go. Then shortly after I heard men talking outside the door and then it opened. I remeber seeing two cops that I knew cause they were friends with my parents. I went running to them and one put me on his shoulders and told me " lets go find mom and dad they are worried about you" I remeber telling the officer about the principle and asking why she did that. All he would tell me is because a bad person was after me.
When we got outside there were a lot of cop cars every where and I remeber them chearing when we walked out of the building. I didn't understand why but I was laughing at the though of them chearing for me. I then seen my grandmother and grandfather come running toward us. My grandmother had tears in her eyes. I then see my mother in a cop car and I kept asking what she did wrong and was she the bad guy cause they had the wrong person. I was vary much nieve as to what was going on that was for sure. I later found out that my Grandparents had patitioned for custody of me and half way through the court battle my mother came to my school with a gun and demanding that they give me to her cause she still had custody. That is when my prinicple snuck out of the office and grabed me. I truly belive that if it was not for her bravery that I would be long gone weather dead or living a horrible life. I have never known her name or had the chance to thank her.
I do remember going through the the custody battle thinking it was for my older brother(uncle in real life). I remember being in a white vary much fluffy dress and swinging my new black mary janes sitting in the hall way of the court house with a stranger. She then took me back to the judges chambers and he asked me questions. I only remember a few like; do you like living with the people you live with, how do they treat you, do you know this lady(he showed me a pic of my real mother), do you like her, would you like to live with this lady? They didn't make since at the time as to how they related to my brother but I was too young to question it at that time. Lets just say I was pretty clueless LOL!
I asume that after that insident with my school that at that point rights were given directly to my grandparents LOL. At least I would hope so! From the point my grandparents got custody which was a many year struggle I remember moving to a new house and school. It was still in the same town because of my dad's job but it was clear across town. We went from clear down by the penitentury to clear up north like 45 to an hour from my parents work.
For the most part life went smoth for me. I fit in pretty well at the school but I rember not being able to have my picture or name put in the paper like the rest of the kids for accomplishments. I remeber always hearing my mother explain to the teachers that my birth mother was never alowed to know I was there. I also remember her pic being posted in the office with instructions that if she showed up on school property that they were to call the cops imedatly. I was always told that she was mentally ill and that she would try to kidnap me. I was told she wanted to hurt my mother(Grandmother) and take me far away and possible kill me just to get to my mother(grandmother). Writing this make me wonder how I walked away from this family the normal one. LOL!
I live my whole life beliving my Grandmother was my mom and that my mother was my sister. I didn't find the truth until I started investigating my health history due to an illness that my oldest came down with. No one could tell me where it came from and I knew it was genitic. My mother( grandmother) kept telling me oh it much be from her dad's side and when I would ask for my birth records she would not give me them. I was 21 and knew I had rights so after being put on bed rest with my son I wanted answers to my medical past. I couldn't rember my doc's name from when I was little so I started at the source. The hospital where I knew I was born at. I called up the record keepers for that paticuler hospital and asked for a copy of my name. The poor nurse could not find the name. Explaining that I must have the wrong hospital.
Now me being me remembed that my Brother would so called tease me about the truth. Telling me that my sis was my real mother. So I asked her to look up my first name with her last name and the nurse goes yep got those records. Then she went silent, I felt as though I could not breath. I had begain to pace while she was typing and now I felt like I would pass out. When the poor nurse could speak again she quitly asks if I knew I was adopted and I simply said I do now huh. I asked if I could get a copy of the records. Aparently she never delt with this before so she had to ask her supervisor. Even that person didn't know what to do so she said that since I knew the name and had proof that I was Samantha Merrill that she would let me have them.
Well if you stuck with is this far you now know the story behind my adoption. Yes I could have probably shortened it but then you would have missed out on some of it. I did confront all partys involved and all stories are different. Even about who my real father is. I have meet both the men and either could be it. One chooses to have nothing to do with me even after meeting him. I meet one of them in a bar he never talked to me other than to say hi. Never asked about my life or anything. Unless my birth mother filled him in he does not even know about my children. She is so sure that he is my father then why does he not want anything to do with me. Then there is this other guy that one of my uncles that ran around with my mom says is my dad. He is not the greatest guy in the world but he wants to know me and my children. Every time I try to bring him up to my Grandmother and ask her about him she tells me to stay away from him. Why I have no clue but I keep in touch with him anyways. Maybe it is to find a part of me I never knew or maybe it is the fact that his other kids want me to be there sister. Where as the siblings I was raised with treated me like crap. Either way it is my choice and I wil do what I want.
I am waiting for the day I can get my baby book from my Grandmother and see what is inside. Maybe it holds answers and that is why she hid it from me. Maybe one day I will be able to see the court records about my adoption and answer a few more iffy questions. I know that untill the day I go to heaven I will probably never know all of the answers to my questions but maybe just maybe when I can get my hands on some of these papers about this subject I will get answers.
I was born to a woman who from my understanding never really wanted me and if she did just didn't know how to take care of kids. Now to fill in a little bit of family history it is custom for the grandparents to raise the grand kids. It has happened the last three generations till now. I am the one to put a stop to it but for some of my so called siblings the customs are still the same. Now from what I hear when I was a few months old I guess my grandmother let my mother watch me for about an hour so she could go say goodbye to a friend and by the time she got there my mother was calling her with me screaming in the background. She was telling my grandmother to get home and get me. When she got back home she tells me I had a bright red hand print on my back.
The next story that I was told is that when I was about 7 months old my mother wanted to go on a trip to New Orleans. My Grandmother supposedly told her to go and leave me with her so that my mother could enjoy being free for a few. Well my mother went down there and was gone for a week or two and when she came back she found all of her stuff on the porch and a warrant for her arrest for child abandonment(That is my mother's side). My Grandmother states that she did not know where my mother went that one day she was just gone and that she didn't come back till I was close to 5.
This next story will probably make you want to lock up your adoptive children and never let the birth parents find you. This one is from my mental records and has hunted me since its happenings. Let me start with the first memory of this incident and bring you up to the reason it has been in bedded into my head. I remember my Grandparents( who I though were my birth parents at this point) were having a garage sale and my mother and current boyfriend were there. I crawl up on to this guys lap( I take it he has been around for me to do this cause I was a shy kid) and ask him to read to me. Come to find out he can't read and that is the end of that memory. Why that has stuck I have no clue! Anyways the next thing I remember is my principle of my kindergarden school running into the class room and grabbing me. She said nothing to my teacher just ran out the door caring me. We went into a utility closet and she had a janitor bring in some coloring books and crayons. I remember hearing my mother's voice on the other side of the door and I started to head for it. My principle grabbed me and covered my mouth so that I could not say anything. She kept telling me I needed to stay quite and I remember telling her that is my sissy let me go. Then shortly after I heard men talking outside the door and then it opened. I remeber seeing two cops that I knew cause they were friends with my parents. I went running to them and one put me on his shoulders and told me " lets go find mom and dad they are worried about you" I remeber telling the officer about the principle and asking why she did that. All he would tell me is because a bad person was after me.
When we got outside there were a lot of cop cars every where and I remeber them chearing when we walked out of the building. I didn't understand why but I was laughing at the though of them chearing for me. I then seen my grandmother and grandfather come running toward us. My grandmother had tears in her eyes. I then see my mother in a cop car and I kept asking what she did wrong and was she the bad guy cause they had the wrong person. I was vary much nieve as to what was going on that was for sure. I later found out that my Grandparents had patitioned for custody of me and half way through the court battle my mother came to my school with a gun and demanding that they give me to her cause she still had custody. That is when my prinicple snuck out of the office and grabed me. I truly belive that if it was not for her bravery that I would be long gone weather dead or living a horrible life. I have never known her name or had the chance to thank her.
I do remember going through the the custody battle thinking it was for my older brother(uncle in real life). I remember being in a white vary much fluffy dress and swinging my new black mary janes sitting in the hall way of the court house with a stranger. She then took me back to the judges chambers and he asked me questions. I only remember a few like; do you like living with the people you live with, how do they treat you, do you know this lady(he showed me a pic of my real mother), do you like her, would you like to live with this lady? They didn't make since at the time as to how they related to my brother but I was too young to question it at that time. Lets just say I was pretty clueless LOL!
I asume that after that insident with my school that at that point rights were given directly to my grandparents LOL. At least I would hope so! From the point my grandparents got custody which was a many year struggle I remember moving to a new house and school. It was still in the same town because of my dad's job but it was clear across town. We went from clear down by the penitentury to clear up north like 45 to an hour from my parents work.
For the most part life went smoth for me. I fit in pretty well at the school but I rember not being able to have my picture or name put in the paper like the rest of the kids for accomplishments. I remeber always hearing my mother explain to the teachers that my birth mother was never alowed to know I was there. I also remember her pic being posted in the office with instructions that if she showed up on school property that they were to call the cops imedatly. I was always told that she was mentally ill and that she would try to kidnap me. I was told she wanted to hurt my mother(Grandmother) and take me far away and possible kill me just to get to my mother(grandmother). Writing this make me wonder how I walked away from this family the normal one. LOL!
I live my whole life beliving my Grandmother was my mom and that my mother was my sister. I didn't find the truth until I started investigating my health history due to an illness that my oldest came down with. No one could tell me where it came from and I knew it was genitic. My mother( grandmother) kept telling me oh it much be from her dad's side and when I would ask for my birth records she would not give me them. I was 21 and knew I had rights so after being put on bed rest with my son I wanted answers to my medical past. I couldn't rember my doc's name from when I was little so I started at the source. The hospital where I knew I was born at. I called up the record keepers for that paticuler hospital and asked for a copy of my name. The poor nurse could not find the name. Explaining that I must have the wrong hospital.
Now me being me remembed that my Brother would so called tease me about the truth. Telling me that my sis was my real mother. So I asked her to look up my first name with her last name and the nurse goes yep got those records. Then she went silent, I felt as though I could not breath. I had begain to pace while she was typing and now I felt like I would pass out. When the poor nurse could speak again she quitly asks if I knew I was adopted and I simply said I do now huh. I asked if I could get a copy of the records. Aparently she never delt with this before so she had to ask her supervisor. Even that person didn't know what to do so she said that since I knew the name and had proof that I was Samantha Merrill that she would let me have them.
Well if you stuck with is this far you now know the story behind my adoption. Yes I could have probably shortened it but then you would have missed out on some of it. I did confront all partys involved and all stories are different. Even about who my real father is. I have meet both the men and either could be it. One chooses to have nothing to do with me even after meeting him. I meet one of them in a bar he never talked to me other than to say hi. Never asked about my life or anything. Unless my birth mother filled him in he does not even know about my children. She is so sure that he is my father then why does he not want anything to do with me. Then there is this other guy that one of my uncles that ran around with my mom says is my dad. He is not the greatest guy in the world but he wants to know me and my children. Every time I try to bring him up to my Grandmother and ask her about him she tells me to stay away from him. Why I have no clue but I keep in touch with him anyways. Maybe it is to find a part of me I never knew or maybe it is the fact that his other kids want me to be there sister. Where as the siblings I was raised with treated me like crap. Either way it is my choice and I wil do what I want.
I am waiting for the day I can get my baby book from my Grandmother and see what is inside. Maybe it holds answers and that is why she hid it from me. Maybe one day I will be able to see the court records about my adoption and answer a few more iffy questions. I know that untill the day I go to heaven I will probably never know all of the answers to my questions but maybe just maybe when I can get my hands on some of these papers about this subject I will get answers.
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Megan Renee
The baby of this family! She is the one with the most attitude. When she wants something she takes it or the person holding it gets hurt! Since birth she has possessed this attitude and I still have yet to figure out how to contain it and not break her little spirit. She has grown up so fast, granted she is only 21 months old but she seems much older. We also refer to her as M&M cause that was the vary first candy she became addicted to!
Lucas Andrew
My middle child and only boy! Compared to the girls he is shy but vary much a rough house tomboy! One day he will be a fourth generation fireman for this here town. Which makes us proud! If this boy could he would wear a fire shirt every day of his life! That or a John Deere one LOL.
L boy just started pre school this year and man the changing he has done in such a short period of his life. He went from never wanting to leave his mother to doing great work in learning and rubbing noses with a cute little girl. Oh brother am I in trouble LOL!
He loves to play with his cars and tractors that his father has given him. The highlight of his life was when daddy built him his own farm town to play on right under Daddy's. OMGosh that boy could spend his every waking moment in that room if I let him. Just like his father for sure! I am so blessed to have two of the best men in my life.
Kaylee May!
The vary first person to steal my heart was this beautiful little girl who blessed me at a time that was the hardest for me. She is so...... self sufficient and head strong (as all of my children are). She has had glasses since she was about 20 months old. She had a problem to where her eyes would cross in. After two surgeries it is corrected but she will need to wear glasses for the rest of her life. Although she did get contacts recently to help with correcting more of her vision problem.
She is a natural ( in my opinion) dancer. She has done it now for three years and shows no signs of stopping any time soon. She usually just does the dance for her class in the yearly recital but this year she decided to try out for the opening dance and got in. I was so proud of her. She excels at everything she does including school. The things she brings home from school are just amazing and the teacher tells me that the only thing she wishes more from her is that she speaks up in school. NOT THE SAME CHILD AT HOME!
At home she is always talking and is so helpful. Even when you don't want her to be! Since her little brother was born she always wanted to get the diapers and the try to change him. LOL! I do have a problem with her trying to be 16 at the age of 6. The attitude could just fly out the window at any time truthfully!
Sami B. thats me.
Well this is where I tell ya about me. HUM where to start....I am a 25 year old mother to three. Trying to balance being a young woman and family life it's not the easiest thing. I have slowly been working on figuring it out!
As my hubby says when he first meet me I could burn mac and cheese and now with his help I am making things like Cinnamon rolls and artistic salads. I have even began sewing and make alterations on the side for extra money when it comes up. So far with my mother in laws help I have made the kids Christmas outfits for the last two-three years and a few dresses and stuff for the kids. Hubby and I just made a new sewing desk for me so that I can store all of the fabric that I have. I am really looking forward to figuring out a schedule to allow me more time to work on my projects a little more. I have even got three scrap books waiting for all of the kids photos to be put in them. So many things to do so little time.
I try to teach 2nd grade Sunday school. It gives me an opportunity to do something I love and learn more about something that makes my life complete. To know that I am helping teach these kids about Jesus and GOD makes my heart swell with love. It is just a challenge cause I don't always know the answers to their question but that is where I get to learn cause there are plenty of people in our church to ask.
I also love to go out with my friends on the weekend. We do everything from hanging out at one of our houses to going to a country bar called Uncle Ron's. When we just our hanging out at a house I love to play Twister or cards! When we go to Ron's I love to dance and just be crazy. Either way we have a great time! Well that is enough about me for now. I am sure you will learn more as we go along!
As my hubby says when he first meet me I could burn mac and cheese and now with his help I am making things like Cinnamon rolls and artistic salads. I have even began sewing and make alterations on the side for extra money when it comes up. So far with my mother in laws help I have made the kids Christmas outfits for the last two-three years and a few dresses and stuff for the kids. Hubby and I just made a new sewing desk for me so that I can store all of the fabric that I have. I am really looking forward to figuring out a schedule to allow me more time to work on my projects a little more. I have even got three scrap books waiting for all of the kids photos to be put in them. So many things to do so little time.
I try to teach 2nd grade Sunday school. It gives me an opportunity to do something I love and learn more about something that makes my life complete. To know that I am helping teach these kids about Jesus and GOD makes my heart swell with love. It is just a challenge cause I don't always know the answers to their question but that is where I get to learn cause there are plenty of people in our church to ask.
I also love to go out with my friends on the weekend. We do everything from hanging out at one of our houses to going to a country bar called Uncle Ron's. When we just our hanging out at a house I love to play Twister or cards! When we go to Ron's I love to dance and just be crazy. Either way we have a great time! Well that is enough about me for now. I am sure you will learn more as we go along!
Jon the man of the house!
The posts in this group will tell you a little bit about our family so you don't get lost in the blogs!
Jon is the main provider for this family. He works a lot of hard hours to support us. In his spare time he is a volunteer fireman. I have never been so proud of a man in my life. Yes it is a little irritating when you are walking out the door or have the kids strapped in the car and that pager goes off. He is pretty good about those times though. I know some of you are wondering how I can watch my hubby go when I know he is going to run into a fire. I have been to some of their training burns and know kind of how it is run. I also have to believe that since he is doing a good deed for people that GOD is watching over him and his brother and know that this family needs them.
When he is not working or fighting fires he is the most dedicated father. He loves to play with his kids. He has built a farm layout like his own for his son. Well for all of the kids when they get old enough. It is the cutest thing to go down there and watch Jon setting at his farm layout and then look down by his feet and there is Lucas and usually Kaylee playing on theirs. Just watching them run around and kick the soccer ball or swing just melts my heart.
Jon also loves to go to home showes and tour open homes. Since I have know him I don't remeber too many that have happened and we have not gone to look and get ideas. He is constantly dreaming and figuring out how to make them come true. I may not always understand the things he does but that does not change the way I feel about him.
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